Life · Uncategorized

The secret to happiness..

We all want to be happy in life, don’t we? We want deeper relationships, better health, more in life and increased productivity.

What if you were told how to gain all of it? What if you were told to do one thing to be happy in life?

The key to productivity and to gain more in life is…. gratitude. 

It’s a term that is used often by many but, tends to be misunderstood or not used in the right context.

Gratitude-ɡratɪtjuːd, is an emotion expressing appreciation for what others have done for you and being thankful. And no, being thankful does not mean you are weak; gratitude and weakness are incomparable. Psychologists have found that being grateful is more than being thankful, it is a much deeper appreciation of something or someone, which produces a much longer lasting positive effect on a person.

group of happy young people jumping on the mountain

We are very much focused upon what others have and looking at the small piece which is missing from us that we completely forget we are “rich”.  And no, I am not talking about wealth/money, there is more to life than having thousands of cash stacked away, you can be rich of needs. We completely forget about all the things we have and what God has blessed us with. Do you ever stop and think about all you have?

I know with me, I would see all I have and yet look at what the person next to me has and would want that. It would blind me of all I had, so much so that I would completely forget I had anything. For example, I wanted a family who were supportive and parents who would tell me “its okay” and would support my decisions; I did crave that mother-daughter relationship that I would see other girls had. What I did not see is that those other girls did not have a father or, they had a father but, had no relationship with him. I did not see how they much they wanted to have that father figure. I did not see that I had both parents who I was living with- all I saw was the mother-daughter relationship I was missing.

Thinking like that only increased my sadness and feelings of being inadequate.

Expressing gratitude is not easy when going through a difficulty.  In actual fact, this is when it can increase your happiness- when you not only express gratitude when things are going well but when things are challenging.

maxresdefault.jpgA couple of years ago, I made a disclosure, one which was extremely difficult and personal. Being an introvert and not telling people abut myself, the disclosure was terrifying and challenging.

During this ornerous ordeal, I was very grateful for my friends and tutors for their support and encouragement. At first, I despised them for it, I was annoyed and upset at what they made me do, at how they destroyed  my family relations. Looking back now, disclosing was not a bad thing, it was a good thing- it was when my journey to heal started; it was when I discovered the power of gratitude. 

As time went on I began to focus on the things I was grateful for, which removed me from dwelling on all my worries and anxieties.

Not only did expressing gratitude remove me from all my worries,  it actually has strengthened my relationship with family, friends and even strangers!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Melody Beattie

The benefits of showing gratitude is enormous both for your personal development and others. I would like to share two important benefits:

  1. makes us happier: it allows us to appreciate what we have even though it may not be great or even beneficial to us. It removes us from all harmful toxic emotions and allows us to experience good feelings.
  2. increases our self-esteem: being grateful removes us from comparing ourselves with others, it allows us to look at what we have and be thankful. It humbles us and reminds us to be thankful and remember that someone else may wish for what you have, and vice-versa. Also, it allows us to appreciate other peoples accomplishment.

Stay beautiful and always be bold hide less. 

A x

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Uncategorized

Who are you?

Do you ever ask yourself this, and wonder, who you are?

personal-growth-is-a-journey

I mean, you may respond  to this question by saying either your name, ethnicity, place of birth or even a characteristic. I myself, would say I am a student, lives in London and loves to help……but it really depends on the context the question is asked in.

Unfortunately, not everyone would know how to answer this question when they ask themselves. It could be for a number of reasons and for myself, the difficulty in answering this question “Who are you?” is it is quite “invasive”. I am not too sure if that is the correct term to use but, it summarises how I feel. What I mean by invasive is that the questions requires you to be open about yourself, to yourself.  You are also, telling others about yourself; which in a way acts as a window and allows them to either come in or walk away.

It has taken me a very long time to start to feel confident and comfortable in my skin; the more I was becoming true to myself and not worrying about what others think of me, the more I was beginning to appreciate and accept myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not where I want to be yet but, I have started the process and that is the most important thing; you need to acknowledge and understand what you need to do to move forward. You can write bullet points or make notes somewhere of what you need to do.

I believe that people can feel your sincerity, strength and confidence. I honestly believe that people will respect you once they know you respect yourself. If they see that you are proud, not ashamed and carry yourself well, they will respect that. Although they may not like you, they will will find it quite difficult to disrespect you, once they see how you stand. I have been told many times by people that I look confident. In all honestly, I would not say I am confident but, I act confident- theres a difference there. I do not like people walking all over me, so I ensure that my voice is heard, and no, that does not mean shouting; if not, I behave in a sophisticated manner and show confidence in the role I am in, whether that be a sales assistant or medical profession.  This can only be done when you fully understand your role.

It is very important to identify and be mindful of your strengths and weaknesses. This is not only for personal growth but, for the safety and growth of your businesses/profession. Regardless of whatever field of work you are in,  it is extremely important to be able to identify your strengths and not just your flaws. For a long time now I have not been able to state my strengths or even identify what I was good at, as I felt I was not good enough. Yet, I was extremely quick to list my weaknesses. For a long time the list would only increase; it would prevent me from feeling anything positive towards myself; this included loving myself- a feeling which I feared to feel and show, due to traumatic experiences that involved being taken advantage of. To overcome this,  I had to become selfish and shameless and look at what was best for me that will assist me to move forward.

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent.” Martin Luther King Jr

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Be confident in who you are and what you believe in. Trust yourself and believe in yourself!  For if you don’t, then who will?

Not knowing who I was actually allowed me to start searching for answers; it gave me an opportunity to start learning about myself and begin growing.  Although, I feared growth and change, I feared not knowing, I knew I had to take the first steps towards it otherwise I would never know. The thought of not knowing, would only hinder me and just increase the anxiety levels.  We should not let our fears stop us from growing as a person.

Be Bold and Be Brave!

Ax

Life · Uncategorized

What it means to me…

Written a couple months ago:

I have been sitting here for a while wondering what to write about…

For me, I can only write about personal experiences and activities I have done or engaged in. so why not start there..

The first couple of questions people ask you when you first meet is, what do you like or what are you interested in?

These questions should be quite straightforward and shouldn’t be difficult to respond, right? I mean, its usually how your form friendships.

For me, it was one of my weaknesses  and one of those conversation that would make me uncomfortable and afraid. If I’m honest, I still find it difficult but, push myself, as I know the consequences that comes along with it; to list a few, not having a wide social network and not being able to meet amazing people; all because of my bad experiences.

For me, telling someone about myself, is not what it is for many, I don’t really know how to explain it, I do find it hard to express myself in words, if I’m to tell someone about myself, I find it very, I mean extremely invasive; the best word to describe it is, “intimate”.

The reason I have found it difficult to talk about myself and my interests is because I was hurt. I was hurt many times during my childhood;

hurt by those closest to me; hurt by the ones who were meant to protect me,  hurt by the ones who claimed to be my ‘friend’.

I was hurt by the people, who I never thought could be the cause of hurt…….family.

That hurt and pain I felt, that betrayal,  I just could not see myself go through the same thing again, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t deal with the physical and emotional pain that it caused, I couldn’t deal with the thought of opening up to someone, trusting them and then being betrayed. I could almost compare it to entering a home with the door wide open, just as you carry your leg into the room, the door is slammed in your face. The unexpected shut of the door is what causes the most damage,

As a result of my awful experiences as a child, I now find it hard to trust people. Trust, a word that is said a lot, that carries significant meaning.

with love,

A x

Life · Uncategorized

Don’t hold your breath

These past few weeks and days have been hectic and busy.  I submitted my final project of the year! yaaaay me! and have been planning for other assignments that need to be completed before summer….. if you’re interested, I have been successfully procrastinating with that and its no fun.

I was reading a book the other day, and it made me think and ponder. It goes like so “Your life span is but one day; with this attitude you will not be caught between an obsession over the past with all its anxiety, and the hopes for the future with all its uncertainty. Live for today.”

grateful.pngOnce I read this statement, I decided that I wanted to live life like this; I wanted to be in the present. In every way possible, I have tried to not dwell too much on the past or, look too ahead in the future; if I do this I will have the opportunity to live in the present. I will not miss out on the things which are right there in front of me.

For too long now I have been looking at my past, I have been focused on that which I do not have and that which I lost. It would make me completely oblivious and blind to the things which were in front of me. This only increased me in sadness and grief; living in a constant state of anxiety.

Gratitude-dance-small

To overcome this I have been writing:

  1. all things which I am grateful for every morning
  2. my strengths and qualities whenever I feel worthless and down.

It has been proven that a way to overcome your sadness and low mood is by showing gratitude. Sounds simple but, yet many of us do not focus on this. We tend to dwell on that which we do not have. When we are thankful and grateful for something we are automatically looking at that which is working in our life rather that which is not. Just by writing 3 things which we are grateful for everyday can improve our mood.

Remember to always thank God for all that He has done for you. For keeping you strong. You may not see it but out of His Mercy He has protected you and given you strength. He has allowed you to see today, and has given you an opportunity to embark on your journey; so make sure that you give every thanks to Him. 

Don’t get me wrong, if you have gone through trauma or been wronged by a colleague, manager or friend and have not had justice, then of course you will find it hard to not dwell on the past. You will feel fear, anger, guilt and shame but, this can all contribute to your growth. It’s okay to grieve over that which you have lost. 

Dwelling on the past is like driving your car with your foot on the brake, your eyes on the rearview mirror, and your gas tank empty.  You’re wondering why you aren’t moving forward, and yet all the while you’re focused on the wrong direction.  Parrott and Warren.

You need to not dwell on it for too long, for this only increases you in being static. If you want to grow and embark on the journey then you need to start moving and stop dwelling on the past; stop beating yourself up; stop blaming yourself; for you only deserve better and nothing less.

Don’t allow anyone to tell you any less; for you are beautiful and courageous.

I want you to know that you can live in the moment. You can enjoy what you have despite all the pain and suffering you have gone through. You just need to take small steps… this includes not spending most of your time looking back. It’s time to live in the moment.

Stay strong and beboldhideless

A x

Life · Pain · Uncategorized

It’s okay not to be okay

Hurts.

Hurt is an emotion, it’s a feeling, it’s something thats very deep. And it hurts.

We have either been hurt or are hurt by others.

It can be painful and uncomfortable to deal with.

One of the reasons for this hurt is because again, I touch upon, our expectations we have of people.

We expect so much, that when that isn’t fulfilled we become broken. We feel our lives have crumbled down. We feel as though we can no longer move on with anything. It hurts, it really hurts and pains.

We wonder what we’ve done to be treated this way.

We contemplate on life, and wonder why people are acting in such a way, why must we always be hurt? 

Our contemplation leads us to think “why must I continue?” “What is the point?” “I can’t do this anymore” “I’m in so much pain”.

You feel as though you’re in a tight compacted container, with little air to breathe, you feel the walls closing in as though its something thats in a computer game, you feel your heart racing and find it hard to control your breathing, something that is an unconscious movement now becomes conscious.

You just want it to end, you want it to stop you just want the world to stop spinning around you.

This is only short-term pain, my dear. It is what you make it out to be.

You’ve been chosen to go through this pain. Your name is written all over it…

Life can be such a FLU sometimes. I know it hurts! I know.

Silhouette of Woman Kneeling in Prayer and Surrender

 

 

 

 

 

My dear sister or, brother

Please have the strength to keep going! I promise it wont last long. Only for a little while longer. 

I know you’ve gone through so much hurt and pain,

You feel no one will listen

There is someone who will listen.

Remember God does not burden a soul more than it can bear. You are going through this struggle and not your neighbour or, you relative, thats because you can handle it. You just have to find healthy ways of coping.

I’d like to share 3 healthy ways I cope when things get tough. They are:

  1. Praying. Whether you believe in a God or, not. This is something that has given me so much strength, peace and patience. I honestly would say it’s a secret weapon.
  2. Going to the gym. This is something I’ve been doing since my easy teens and have now made it a regular routine to go at least once a week. Makes you feel so wonderful and good; as though you’re on top of the world 🙂
  3. Eating healthy greens. Its’ a new thing I’m trying. The phrase you hear “you are what you eat” is real! Hear me out.. the types of food you eat has a massive effect on your outer and inner beauty. Even your mood!  (I’ll hopefully be blogging about this shortly) I would start off by having a banana and spinach smoothie (with or without soya milk). It’s literally so so good.

Stay strong and beboldhideless 

A x