lifestyle · Uncategorized

Love thy self

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” 

C. Joybell C. 

“If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.” 
― Charles Bukowski 

Love, love, love, what does it actually mean? a word that we take lightly and thrive to feel.

Love can be defined as an indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone ; or yourself. Who says that you can’t love yourself. Love is an incredibly powerful word with so much emotion.

Yet, why do we find it so hard to love ourselves?

I understood the word love to be a strong emotion, and that it could only be applied to what you desired and enjoyed. I never thought of loving myself nor, did it come to mind once. I actually believed you could only love others, and not yourself; that was the whole point of love. Little did I know. That’s a bit silly isn’t it? But, again coming from an environment where you were not told to love yourself or, were able to experience love made it difficult to apply and understand its meaning.

There are many reasons why we made it find it hard to love ourselves; these include:

A. Bad experiences: having traumatic or damaging experiences during our childhood or early years can make it difficult for us to love ourselves. We are programmed rather than condition to love ourselves more when something good happens and dislike ourselves when we meet failure. These awful experiences will only cause us to be destructive to ourselves and not loving oneself can be very harmful. 

B. Not being told to love yourself: coming from a background or an environment where ‘self-love’ was not preached or advocated for can make it extremely difficult for someone to love themselves.

C.  low self-esteem: will cause a person to have negative thoughts about themselves such as they’re” unlovable or, unworthy”. The thought of loving themselves certainly will not come to mind.

The benefits of loving yourself is immense, and we should encourage one another to love ourselves, otherwise if we don’t then who will?

Loving yourself allows us to:

  1. enjoy life more
  2. expands your relationships with others
  3. makes you more attractive
  4. makes you a lot stronger
  5. contributes to your growth!

You are beautiful the way you are and should not have to change for anyone! Love yourself before you love anyone else; you are more deserving than you think.

Be bold hide less

A x

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Life · Uncategorized

Life is not cheap

Beauty can be defined as the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind.

To summarise, I define beauty as happiness. 

It is not a state or quality rather, it is moments that inspire and represent the attractiveness of our souls. It is the moments we feel free, happy, alive and proud.

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The standard of beauty in todays society is constantly evolving and changing. What is considered beautiful today, will change tomorrow.  The more stressed and frustrated we are about todays beauty standards, the likelihood it is to change tomorrow.

Hold up…… does that mean that I have to constantly work every day on different parts of my body to be considered beautiful? to fit into the standard of beauty? Yes, unfortunately thats what society wants. 

Many women in todays society are suffering from a negative body image, low confidence and lack of self-esteem. Our women are constantly being pushed and labelled to fit into todays standard of beauty; beauty which was different from yesterday, heading to the left and tomorrow, will deviate to the right.

Beauty has been distorted and is often misunderstood. It has become something we strive for rather than seeing it in our most happiest moments.

I can honestly say that the times I have felt happy and beautiful, was when I did not fit into the beauty standards; my face was not painted with makeup, my hair straight, I did not have the most money nor was I wearing the trendiest of clothes. I was the complete opposite- and this is the moment I felt beauty.

I felt beauty when I was at my most happiest moment; and this is because I was alive and did not consider or believe in society’s standard of beauty.

I have not always been aware of this….

During my teen years, I battled with my self-image and confidence. I was never slim nor was I a big girl; I was always in-between. Although some thought I was small. As I grew older, I became obssesed and paranoid about my weight, exercising almost every week. I was very focused on being skinny and having prominent bones- because society considered this as beauty.

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It gradually started becoming a problem; I began restricting my intake and counting calories. I would aim to consume either one meal a day with one treat or, not eat in a day. Every time I went shopping, I would look at the calories religiously. I would not eat anything unless I knew how much calorie and fat content it contained.  As soon as it hit, 7pm, I would stop eating until the next morning.

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This went on for years; not knowing it was a problem, so I didn’t seek help or mention it to others. It somehow made me feel “beautiful” and in control, although deep down I was harming my body. It’s intriguing because you never see it as harming yourself. You consider it a way of fitting into society, societies beauty standard. Yet, it cost me my health. I was deficient in vitamins and was not healthy.

I realised that it had to end. This lifestyle was not healthy and was costing me my health. It was not beautiful. It was dangerous and inexcusable.

Women should not have to put their health on the line to be considered beautiful, why must I hide my beauty or, amend it to fit into society standards; standards which are constantly changing and a society which does not acknowledge you.

It’s not worth it. You are worth millions. You are a diamond. You are beautiful.

Note: Remember, if you are struggling with a similar issue, eating disorder, and are finding it hard to quit, then do seek help!! This is often an issue which can be difficult for a person to ackoelwegdi and work through alone either due to trauma or, bullying and may require assistance of a professional. Please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. You are beautiful and courageous for surviving. You know longer have to suffer alone, please do reach out. 

Stay strong and remember to beboldhideless. 

A x

Life · Uncategorized

Don’t hold your breath

These past few weeks and days have been hectic and busy.  I submitted my final project of the year! yaaaay me! and have been planning for other assignments that need to be completed before summer….. if you’re interested, I have been successfully procrastinating with that and its no fun.

I was reading a book the other day, and it made me think and ponder. It goes like so “Your life span is but one day; with this attitude you will not be caught between an obsession over the past with all its anxiety, and the hopes for the future with all its uncertainty. Live for today.”

grateful.pngOnce I read this statement, I decided that I wanted to live life like this; I wanted to be in the present. In every way possible, I have tried to not dwell too much on the past or, look too ahead in the future; if I do this I will have the opportunity to live in the present. I will not miss out on the things which are right there in front of me.

For too long now I have been looking at my past, I have been focused on that which I do not have and that which I lost. It would make me completely oblivious and blind to the things which were in front of me. This only increased me in sadness and grief; living in a constant state of anxiety.

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To overcome this I have been writing:

  1. all things which I am grateful for every morning
  2. my strengths and qualities whenever I feel worthless and down.

It has been proven that a way to overcome your sadness and low mood is by showing gratitude. Sounds simple but, yet many of us do not focus on this. We tend to dwell on that which we do not have. When we are thankful and grateful for something we are automatically looking at that which is working in our life rather that which is not. Just by writing 3 things which we are grateful for everyday can improve our mood.

Remember to always thank God for all that He has done for you. For keeping you strong. You may not see it but out of His Mercy He has protected you and given you strength. He has allowed you to see today, and has given you an opportunity to embark on your journey; so make sure that you give every thanks to Him. 

Don’t get me wrong, if you have gone through trauma or been wronged by a colleague, manager or friend and have not had justice, then of course you will find it hard to not dwell on the past. You will feel fear, anger, guilt and shame but, this can all contribute to your growth. It’s okay to grieve over that which you have lost. 

Dwelling on the past is like driving your car with your foot on the brake, your eyes on the rearview mirror, and your gas tank empty.  You’re wondering why you aren’t moving forward, and yet all the while you’re focused on the wrong direction.  Parrott and Warren.

You need to not dwell on it for too long, for this only increases you in being static. If you want to grow and embark on the journey then you need to start moving and stop dwelling on the past; stop beating yourself up; stop blaming yourself; for you only deserve better and nothing less.

Don’t allow anyone to tell you any less; for you are beautiful and courageous.

I want you to know that you can live in the moment. You can enjoy what you have despite all the pain and suffering you have gone through. You just need to take small steps… this includes not spending most of your time looking back. It’s time to live in the moment.

Stay strong and beboldhideless

A x

Life · lifestyle · Uncategorized

I just want the world to know, you’re

Beautiful.

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This is something we are not told often by our friends, our families, our neighbours, our colleagues or even……ourselves.

It is something that is very very important,

Yet, we are NOT told often……..

We do not tell OURSELVES we are beautiful.

We do NOT hear it enough.

Instead, we hear and focus on all the negative comments,

“You’re too skinny” “you’re fat” “Your thighs are too big” “your skin is too dark”

We cling onto all these nasty comments, that now “we” begin to believe it.

We start living these comments, until we no longer feel good about ourselves,

Until our self-worth heads down the drain and our self-esteem jumps out the window.

O, how happy would that make our enemies!

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Do you ever consider how harmful it is to not tell yourself you are beautiful? To define oneself as beautiful..

“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.”  Audrey Hepburn 

We are so busy focusing on outer beauty, beauty which is short-lived, that we completely neglect our inner beauty, beauty which is long-lasting,

Inner beauty is important for growth, yet many of us neglect it; we are heedless of this. The same way planting a seed requires nurturing and observing, to help it grow and stand strong, is the same way us, as humans require constant nurturing and attention; to allow us to become the best that we can.

In order to focus on this inner beauty, then you need to start by planting and nurturing the seed:

Step 1: You need to start off by telling yourself every day, maybe more than once a day, how beautiful you are…I know it may sound weird or even uncomfortable but, it is vital for growth growth. Once you start nurturing this seed, will you then begin to see the outer beauty.

Step 2: Keep away from toxic individuals.  It may be something that is obvious. But sometimes even those closest to us, are often the most harmful.  Those individuals who constantly highlight your shortcomings and remind you of your imperfections are the ones to avoid. STAY AWAY.

 

I want you to tell yourself:

Upon rising in the morning, tell yourself,

You’re beautiful.

Upon heading to the bathroom, tell yourself

you’re beautiful

Upon having breakfast, tell yourself

you’re beautiful,

when you’re getting dressed for the day, tell yourself

you’re beautiful

when you step out of your home tell yourself

you’re beautiful.

when you see an enemy tell yourself,

you’re beautiful.

Why? Because you’re beautiful and it deserves to be highlighted.

You deserve to be happy!

Stay beautiful and beboldhideless 

A x