I feel myself going forward, but seem to be holding myself back. As soon as I enter the room my mind tells me that I can’t do it, no -one will believe you, no-one cares and no-one wants to hear it.
It keeps repeating itself, over and over again as though its a stereo.
I know I can do it.
You know I sometimes question myself, I ask myself, am I making this all up? is this even true? whats going on? I begin to question my own judgement because people have not taking responsibility. No one has confessed for the wrong thats happened and for that reason I’ve decided to pick up the pieces. I mean, someone has to.
It’s weighed me down tremondleously. At first, it was bearable. Now, its pulled me completely down and I’m just about off the ground.
I’m broken, Im hurting and I’m in pain. Why can’t people take responsibility for the wrong they’ve done? why can’t someone confess. Can’t you see I’m in pain?
I’ve been hurting for a while, you haven’t noticed, you’ve seen me day by day but no notice, you hear my pleads, my shouts, my crying and my arguments but never see or hear the pain I’m in? how can this be? am I not deserving of your love.
Despite whats happened, or gone on in life, people will not always take responsibility for the harm they’ve caused you. They will not apologies, even though you prove to them that they’re in the wrong. Even though theres living proof of the harm caused.
This is not because they don’t believe you, this is because they know they’ve wronged you, but don’t see the harm that was caused.
In this situation you may never get an apology. And you’re likely to be waiting your entire life for something that, perhaps isn’t on anyones agenda. You need to keep your head up high, stay strong and work on yourself. Build your character and strength.
I know everything I feel, think or experience is real. I have not made it up.
People need to understand, that survivors are not just great story tellers.
I’ve learnt to just be me.
I’m just going to