Life · Pain


Separation is probably a must.

Sometimes in life you have to just be selfish. You WILL disappoint, you WILL upset people along the way, you WILL be cursed but, you have to just be selfish.

No matter what you do to try and make things better it wont change. The only one that can change is yourself. You can make the difference and be that change.

This journey will be hard, it will be lonely, there will be tears, sweat and blood. At the end of the day, it’s your life, you’re the one living it. So no matter how hard it will be, always remember the end result, it will be worth it.

“life is hard. You came into it with difficulty, hardship, blood and sweat and you will experience difficulty, hardship, blood and sweat. But, the end of the road will be beautiful” anon

The struggles that I’ve been through the last thing I want is for my friends to be hurt I can’t let them be hurt, even if it means separating  family from friends.

I can’t go through that. I just can’t. I can’t let them speak bad about my friends, the friends who stood by me when the ones who were meant to protect me and love me shut me down. Calling me all kinds. Being called a ‘betrayer’ is what hurt the most. To be told my members of family that you have betrayed them, to be told  you have ruined the lives of others while you hurt and try to get your life on track, is the worst feeling anyone can experience. It’s the loneliest experience.

If I’m being honest, I’m still hiding. 

I’m still fighting with myself. The battle in your mind, telling you to do one thing and then dismissing it saying you can’t. The mind that knows truth from falsehood and darkness from light. Did you make the right choice?

You continue to live life trying to please others and making them smile. You do a good job fulfilling their happiness but neglect yours. They don’t think twice about how you’re feeling or what you’re going through, they don’t give two pennies about it all. And yet you try and try and try. Until only God knows when you’ll stop

I keep doing the same thing again and again about pleasing others. And it hurts, it hurts so much putting your life on the side trying to fulfil others. God does not want that plan for you, and if God does not want that plan for you to just live the life of others and sit around then what does that mean. It means your treasure is still waiting for you.

I’ve not been so broken inside. Constant battling between wanting to live your life and trying to please others. Just know that living the life of others is not cool, it’s tiring, it hurts, its dark and painful.

It need not be that way.

If you want to look after yourself then you need to love yourself and know yourself. You can’t pretend your doing the above and yet hope for success and acceptance.

As I continuously keep mentioning about life being a journey, because it is. Your journey is going to be different from your friends, your neighbours, your colleagues. It will be different. If it were the same then that wouldn’t be beautiful, you would have the same experiences, and you wont learn from the same experiences.

Where the problem of disappointment and lack of self-acceptance comes from is the fact that you are looking so much at others, looking so much at their life, their job, their looks that you completely neglect yourself. You forget who you are and what your purpose is,

you are meant to be special. your life is awaiting you, all you need to do is walk towards it. It may take you hours, days, weeks, months or even years to get there but, it is waiting for you.




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