Ive been waiting, waiting for the write time to start writing. its been hard, its been a rough road but now is the time.
The smell, the sight, the noise, their presence……. it begins. Sudden awakening, scared, frightened, fragile, helpless, shaking, heart racing, trembling, gasping for air….i’ve lost control. i don’t have control. I was scared. The most awful and scariest experience I’ve had. Scared by my own thoughts…..Imma tackle this bad boy!
The time has come for me to turn my life around, to become a better person to make that change. I’m tired of standing around and remaining quiet, I’m tired of not being able to have a say, I’m tired of just pretending everything is okay….… when really…really it isn’t okay. My voice has been snatched from me, it was taken from me, I have no say, i don’t deserve to say anything, my voice doesn’t matter.
Now, I’ve decided i can’t remain like this. this isn’t life. surely life shouldn’t be tis hard! this cant just be it. How can a being be put onto earth to remain quiet and controlled by people, a being who has so much capabilities is being silenced by others. That has to change.
The need to change has come from the pain. I’m in pain, I’ve been in pain for years, I’ve been hurting for years, i’ve been wanting to change for years. and now is the time. Well, i often say this but who knows whether I’m serious or not. I tend to say things, those things that i say are a means to comfort me, it gives me hope and that hope is the driving force. However, sometimes its not about the words but your actions. You’re actions is what starts the change. But that action is the most difficult part.
I’m so afraid, i don’t know what to expect, I’ve been in this comfort zone for years, never have i ever had the courage to leave this comfort zone and now, now I’ve realised the comfort zone is killing me. It’s suffocating me and preventing me from being happy. It’s stopping me from leading the life i want to live. How can i stay put in this drama?
Do you know what? you keep praying, praying and praying, asking God for a way out, for you to find an exit from this pain, praying for a miracle. little do we know that the answers are around us. We haven’t taken the initial step towards it, its waiting for us to make the move. How easy would it be if God could just show us and place it in front of us….hold up…it is placed in front of us. This is i guess the beauty of it, its meant to be a. Journey. one that leads to a beautiful road.
I cannot wait to start this journey, I’m excited, scared, nervous and so looking forward to this journey. I don’t know what to expect but, i pray for guidance.