Uncategorized

What people don’t tell you about final destinations?

Sadness and loneliness; its a feeling or emotion that doesn’t leave you for too long.

Just when you feel like your getting yourself together and your moving forward, it comes back to say hello. It introduces itself into your life, as though it was never there. You begin to feel low..sad and dwell on your past. Wondering what if and what am I?

You are suddenly overwhelmed with emotions.

Did anyone say that being a survivor means youwouldn’t feel any type of pain?

Did anyone say it would be easy?

Yes, I said easy………..we want life to be a smooth highway with little or no obstacles and everything within our reach. But, in reality, that never happens. Because life is meant to be a journey, not a destination. Sometimes its your journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.

The moment you realise this, the more inclined you’ll be to moving forward and never settling for less. The more you learn, the more you increase your knowledge. The more you increase your knowledge the more open you will become. The more open you become the more power you will have!

I realised life was a journey when I was finishing college and moving onto university; a life event….one which was unexpected but made me realise that life is not a destination. I began to ask myself am I where I want to be? am I happy? have I achieved all my goals? and is my relationship with God good?

The answer to all of these questions was no.

So why is it that we must rush rush rush to a destination, which we may never reach or, may not exist.

beach

Many of us ignore our blessings, we ignore the things which are important and have a significance in our lives, whilst in pursuit of the things you want to achieve.

What happens along the way is that the things we do have, become dust and begin to disappear just like the foam of the ocean. What was once there, is now no more. We lose relationships with our family, friends and colleagues. We lose interest in any activities once enjoyed all because we were so focused on a “final destination”.

It’s only time that you enjoy the journey, and smell the roses along the way along with observing the beautiful scenery.

If you haven’t already done so, then make sure you embark on your ship, because you have a beautiful journey ahead of you.

Stay beautiful and

be bold hide less. 

A x

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Confidence · lifestyle

Never give up, because you can

 

Girls can do anything!

As any “new” beginner or anyone who hasn’t blogged in a while. It can be difficult to start writing again, or even know what to write about.  You write something and realise it doesn’t make sense or even flow well, and then erase it! I have attempted to blog far too many times but don’t feel my content is “perfect”.  Wait……does perfect even exist? I don’t think so, yet I try to aim for that; we aim for something which does not exist. And that only crushes us.

Moving on,

After three years of hard work, long hours and intense studying I can officially say I am now a graduate. I have graduated with a nursing degree and I can now say I am a qualified nurse. It was not easy and has to be one of the difficult things I have done, particularly going through my final year……but I did it!

I remember when I was younger being asked what I wanted to do when I was older, and I said a nurse. I did not say anything else other than that. It was always a nurse. From then till now, I stayed focus and was determined to achieve it.

There were plenty of obstacles in my way in the form of “people” and myself. They thought I could not do it, was not intellectual enough or confident enough to achieve my goals. However, I did not let that get to me. I did not allow peoples negative comments to determine my future.

I came across these quotes, which I feel reiterates the importance of avoiding negative people or, being surrounded by people who will not support your decisions or choices.

“Protect your good image from the eyes of negative viewers, who may look at your good appearance with an ugly fiendish eye, and ruin your positive qualities with their chemical infested tongues.” 
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.” 
― Joel Osteen

I’d like to share with you 3 things you need to do to achieve your goals and stay focused:

  1. Avoid hanging with negative people> its not always easy to detect those negative people around you. But, they will most likely always discourage you from achieving what you want to achieve. They will always tell you what they want to tell you not what they should be telling you. Not only do you have to listen to these people to know that they are being negative, sometimes you have a gut feeling. Some people will choose to ignore it whereas others would go with their gut. I myself, often go with my gut, because sometimes you could end up being blind of someones pessimism that you end up spending a lot of time with them. One word to describe them is, toxic!
  2. Change your attitude > spending most of your time with negative people is likely to affect your mood and attitude towards others and yourself. Allow yourself to express positive emotions by repeating positive affirmations.  Engage in activities and sports that make you feel like a queen. Be mindful and conscious of negative affirmations you may develop as they will have an awfully negative effect on your life- as you may have heard, if you repeat something often you will end up believing it. The dangers of negative affirmations is that it may lead you to develop, depression, low self-esteem and confidence The mind is very powerful and whatever you tell it, it believes it.  The only person who has the power to change this is yourself. For this reason, anytime you have a negative comment, you must replace it with a positive affirmation.
  3.  Believe in yourself! > You need to have fun faith in yourself and be mindful of your capabilities and strengths.  Know that you have a lot of offer, despite how many hardships have come your way, regardless of what difficulty your currently in; know your power and your strength.  It’s quite easy for us to focus on our losses in the day and negatives that we encountered, instead of focusing on and counting all the positive experiences we have had.  I allow myself to look back and focus on the positive things that have happened rather than coming home and dwelling on all the toxic things I have seen; it can be difficult but you have to train yourself. Just keep doing it!

Theres the phrase, “the world is what you make it”, if you make it into a good place then it’ll be good but, if you make it out to be bad, then you’ll just see the bad.

Remember that every obstacle is an opportunity.

Smile and remember to

be bold hide less,

Ax

 

lifestyle · Uncategorized

Love thy self

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” 

C. Joybell C. 

“If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.” 
― Charles Bukowski 

Love, love, love, what does it actually mean? a word that we take lightly and thrive to feel.

Love can be defined as an indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone ; or yourself. Who says that you can’t love yourself. Love is an incredibly powerful word with so much emotion.

Yet, why do we find it so hard to love ourselves?

I understood the word love to be a strong emotion, and that it could only be applied to what you desired and enjoyed. I never thought of loving myself nor, did it come to mind once. I actually believed you could only love others, and not yourself; that was the whole point of love. Little did I know. That’s a bit silly isn’t it? But, again coming from an environment where you were not told to love yourself or, were able to experience love made it difficult to apply and understand its meaning.

There are many reasons why we made it find it hard to love ourselves; these include:

A. Bad experiences: having traumatic or damaging experiences during our childhood or early years can make it difficult for us to love ourselves. We are programmed rather than condition to love ourselves more when something good happens and dislike ourselves when we meet failure. These awful experiences will only cause us to be destructive to ourselves and not loving oneself can be very harmful. 

B. Not being told to love yourself: coming from a background or an environment where ‘self-love’ was not preached or advocated for can make it extremely difficult for someone to love themselves.

C.  low self-esteem: will cause a person to have negative thoughts about themselves such as they’re” unlovable or, unworthy”. The thought of loving themselves certainly will not come to mind.

The benefits of loving yourself is immense, and we should encourage one another to love ourselves, otherwise if we don’t then who will?

Loving yourself allows us to:

  1. enjoy life more
  2. expands your relationships with others
  3. makes you more attractive
  4. makes you a lot stronger
  5. contributes to your growth!

You are beautiful the way you are and should not have to change for anyone! Love yourself before you love anyone else; you are more deserving than you think.

Be bold hide less

A x

Life · Uncategorized

The secret to happiness..

We all want to be happy in life, don’t we? We want deeper relationships, better health, more in life and increased productivity.

What if you were told how to gain all of it? What if you were told to do one thing to be happy in life?

The key to productivity and to gain more in life is…. gratitude. 

It’s a term that is used often by many but, tends to be misunderstood or not used in the right context.

Gratitude-ɡratɪtjuːd, is an emotion expressing appreciation for what others have done for you and being thankful. And no, being thankful does not mean you are weak; gratitude and weakness are incomparable. Psychologists have found that being grateful is more than being thankful, it is a much deeper appreciation of something or someone, which produces a much longer lasting positive effect on a person.

group of happy young people jumping on the mountain

We are very much focused upon what others have and looking at the small piece which is missing from us that we completely forget we are “rich”.  And no, I am not talking about wealth/money, there is more to life than having thousands of cash stacked away, you can be rich of needs. We completely forget about all the things we have and what God has blessed us with. Do you ever stop and think about all you have?

I know with me, I would see all I have and yet look at what the person next to me has and would want that. It would blind me of all I had, so much so that I would completely forget I had anything. For example, I wanted a family who were supportive and parents who would tell me “its okay” and would support my decisions; I did crave that mother-daughter relationship that I would see other girls had. What I did not see is that those other girls did not have a father or, they had a father but, had no relationship with him. I did not see how they much they wanted to have that father figure. I did not see that I had both parents who I was living with- all I saw was the mother-daughter relationship I was missing.

Thinking like that only increased my sadness and feelings of being inadequate.

Expressing gratitude is not easy when going through a difficulty.  In actual fact, this is when it can increase your happiness- when you not only express gratitude when things are going well but when things are challenging.

maxresdefault.jpgA couple of years ago, I made a disclosure, one which was extremely difficult and personal. Being an introvert and not telling people abut myself, the disclosure was terrifying and challenging.

During this ornerous ordeal, I was very grateful for my friends and tutors for their support and encouragement. At first, I despised them for it, I was annoyed and upset at what they made me do, at how they destroyed  my family relations. Looking back now, disclosing was not a bad thing, it was a good thing- it was when my journey to heal started; it was when I discovered the power of gratitude. 

As time went on I began to focus on the things I was grateful for, which removed me from dwelling on all my worries and anxieties.

Not only did expressing gratitude remove me from all my worries,  it actually has strengthened my relationship with family, friends and even strangers!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Melody Beattie

The benefits of showing gratitude is enormous both for your personal development and others. I would like to share two important benefits:

  1. makes us happier: it allows us to appreciate what we have even though it may not be great or even beneficial to us. It removes us from all harmful toxic emotions and allows us to experience good feelings.
  2. increases our self-esteem: being grateful removes us from comparing ourselves with others, it allows us to look at what we have and be thankful. It humbles us and reminds us to be thankful and remember that someone else may wish for what you have, and vice-versa. Also, it allows us to appreciate other peoples accomplishment.

Stay beautiful and always be bold hide less. 

A x

poetry · Uncategorized

They thought…

Illustration of a crying woman

They thought you were quiet,

a push over,

timid,

and alone.

You were quite, 

observent and

shy.

Life was good,

white and bright.

You were hurt, wronged

and ignored.

In silence, you were in pain

trying to be sane.

Those dark nights,

were lonely and painful.

Crying and crying,

till there were no more tears

but heartache.

After thousands of minutes and seconds,

you sprouted and bloomed.

Those tears of pain and heartache, 

were now tears of happiness and joy.

They thought you were quiet,

a push over 

timid and alone.

But, dismissed your light

strength, courage and confidence.

Life is too precious to live in pain and surround yourself by those who will drain your energy. Surround yourself by those who will compliment you, support you, believe in you and carry you, through your good and bad times.

Yes, growing is not easy, changing is not easy; no one said it would be easy. But does anything beautiful come easy, without pain or difficulty?

Life is a struggle and life is beautiful.

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” 
― C. JoyBell C. 

Remember to stay beautiful and be bold hide less.  

A x

 

 

 

 

 

Uncategorized

Who are you?

Do you ever ask yourself this, and wonder, who you are?

personal-growth-is-a-journey

I mean, you may respond  to this question by saying either your name, ethnicity, place of birth or even a characteristic. I myself, would say I am a student, lives in London and loves to help……but it really depends on the context the question is asked in.

Unfortunately, not everyone would know how to answer this question when they ask themselves. It could be for a number of reasons and for myself, the difficulty in answering this question “Who are you?” is it is quite “invasive”. I am not too sure if that is the correct term to use but, it summarises how I feel. What I mean by invasive is that the questions requires you to be open about yourself, to yourself.  You are also, telling others about yourself; which in a way acts as a window and allows them to either come in or walk away.

It has taken me a very long time to start to feel confident and comfortable in my skin; the more I was becoming true to myself and not worrying about what others think of me, the more I was beginning to appreciate and accept myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not where I want to be yet but, I have started the process and that is the most important thing; you need to acknowledge and understand what you need to do to move forward. You can write bullet points or make notes somewhere of what you need to do.

I believe that people can feel your sincerity, strength and confidence. I honestly believe that people will respect you once they know you respect yourself. If they see that you are proud, not ashamed and carry yourself well, they will respect that. Although they may not like you, they will will find it quite difficult to disrespect you, once they see how you stand. I have been told many times by people that I look confident. In all honestly, I would not say I am confident but, I act confident- theres a difference there. I do not like people walking all over me, so I ensure that my voice is heard, and no, that does not mean shouting; if not, I behave in a sophisticated manner and show confidence in the role I am in, whether that be a sales assistant or medical profession.  This can only be done when you fully understand your role.

It is very important to identify and be mindful of your strengths and weaknesses. This is not only for personal growth but, for the safety and growth of your businesses/profession. Regardless of whatever field of work you are in,  it is extremely important to be able to identify your strengths and not just your flaws. For a long time now I have not been able to state my strengths or even identify what I was good at, as I felt I was not good enough. Yet, I was extremely quick to list my weaknesses. For a long time the list would only increase; it would prevent me from feeling anything positive towards myself; this included loving myself- a feeling which I feared to feel and show, due to traumatic experiences that involved being taken advantage of. To overcome this,  I had to become selfish and shameless and look at what was best for me that will assist me to move forward.

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent.” Martin Luther King Jr

self-improvement-personal-growth-1-300x293

Be confident in who you are and what you believe in. Trust yourself and believe in yourself!  For if you don’t, then who will?

Not knowing who I was actually allowed me to start searching for answers; it gave me an opportunity to start learning about myself and begin growing.  Although, I feared growth and change, I feared not knowing, I knew I had to take the first steps towards it otherwise I would never know. The thought of not knowing, would only hinder me and just increase the anxiety levels.  We should not let our fears stop us from growing as a person.

Be Bold and Be Brave!

Ax

Life

Hang in there, it will come

change_430x223

As I write in the present, I begin to feel the new me. 

I begin to feel a “change”

A “change” I have been waiting for so long

I have been trying, trying to figure out who I am. 

Following the crowd, amidst a hot summers day,

pleasing members and trying to be accepted.

Accepted for what? for not being me.

Who am I? I would ask, Who am I? 

The echoes would surround me

The fear of not knowing,

feeling apprehensive of being identified.

Identified as what?….ssshhhh.

It’s all in the mind, no-one knows.

Be kind to yourself, breathe

Allow yourself to dream big,

allow yourself to grow,

you have been hurt, trapped and silence. 

Its your time to blossom, its your time to shine,

Let yourself go, be free

and you will see the beauty of life.

Allow yourself to be determined and you will find success,

allow yourself to love, and you will receive compassion.

Love- and reject hate,

Hope, and wave goodbye to sadness.

Despite the chains that you’ve been tied to,

and the ropes that have stripped you off all hope,

raise your voice, and sing in harmony. 

For change is to come.

No, wait,

it will come.

wpid-introvert_is_more_intellectual1

Beboldhideless

 

 

 

Life · Uncategorized

What it means to me…

Written a couple months ago:

I have been sitting here for a while wondering what to write about…

For me, I can only write about personal experiences and activities I have done or engaged in. so why not start there..

The first couple of questions people ask you when you first meet is, what do you like or what are you interested in?

These questions should be quite straightforward and shouldn’t be difficult to respond, right? I mean, its usually how your form friendships.

For me, it was one of my weaknesses  and one of those conversation that would make me uncomfortable and afraid. If I’m honest, I still find it difficult but, push myself, as I know the consequences that comes along with it; to list a few, not having a wide social network and not being able to meet amazing people; all because of my bad experiences.

For me, telling someone about myself, is not what it is for many, I don’t really know how to explain it, I do find it hard to express myself in words, if I’m to tell someone about myself, I find it very, I mean extremely invasive; the best word to describe it is, “intimate”.

The reason I have found it difficult to talk about myself and my interests is because I was hurt. I was hurt many times during my childhood;

hurt by those closest to me; hurt by the ones who were meant to protect me,  hurt by the ones who claimed to be my ‘friend’.

I was hurt by the people, who I never thought could be the cause of hurt…….family.

That hurt and pain I felt, that betrayal,  I just could not see myself go through the same thing again, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t deal with the physical and emotional pain that it caused, I couldn’t deal with the thought of opening up to someone, trusting them and then being betrayed. I could almost compare it to entering a home with the door wide open, just as you carry your leg into the room, the door is slammed in your face. The unexpected shut of the door is what causes the most damage,

As a result of my awful experiences as a child, I now find it hard to trust people. Trust, a word that is said a lot, that carries significant meaning.

with love,

A x

Education · lifestyle · Personal

FGM is a silent epidemic

It has been a while since I last posted. It’s been a long road, and its almost near the end…. or shall I say the beginning.

long road

The stress of being in final year….in my final semester has honestly been the most difficult thing I have done. I honestly thought it could not get any worse, little did I know.

Completing my final project was a challenge that I thoroughly enjoyed doing, despite the anxiety and troubles it would cause me. All those late nights and days being spent in the library was an experience, one which I could look back on and smile about now….although during that period I did not think I could ever smile about it. I don’t think anyone does when you’re in that position.

The topic I choose was an extremely difficult and personal one, it was on Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), for those that don’t know, it is an extremely barbaric practice which involves the removal of all or, part of a women’s genitalia for non-medical reasons; it is considered a violation of the human rights of women and girls. It is a cultural practice, practised in 28 countries in Africa, in Asia and the Middle East.

fgm-bawso-nspcc02

Spending almost four months working on this project and reading very distressing content daily as part of the research was honestly the most difficult thing I have done. But I did it, I managed to complete my project and ended up achieving an outstanding grade.

All the anxiety and overwhelming emotions was honestly worth it at the end. What kept me going was the fact that I want to be able to help these women!

I wanted to highlight that FGM is a problem, regardless of where you are in the world, it is affecting our women and girls. It is estimated that over 2million girls have undergone FGM in countries which it is concentrated.

My project looked at the challenges these women face when accessing healthcare services.

Conclusion….it is a problem and it is unacceptable. 

‘Some health care workers do not want to question those who have been subjected to FGM or , even the practice itself, for fear of disrespecting peoples culture’.

As members of society it is our duty of care to protect all vulnerable people including women, children and the disabled.  and girls The phrase “disrespecting people’s culture” should not be a reason why we do not act to protect members of society; we should not let people be abused in the name of culture.

Why do we do this?

Is it because these women and children are black or from any other ethnic minority background, dark-skinned, bilingual, which is why we do not question this practice? Is it because you do not consider them your children?

And yes, FGM is abuse; it is dangerous and considered a felony. Many of these women do not consent to the practice, while others are manipulated to have it done. If they refuse to have it done then they will be marginalised and ostracised from community members.

I want you to know that just because FGM is a cultural practice :

A. does not mean that you cannot question it

B. does not mean that you cannot call it abuse

C.does not make it acceptable

D. does not suggest that these women or girls, or those from practising communities do not want help.

fgm-logo2

We must know longer sit in silence and stand up against FGM!

Just know that despite all the pain, stress and emotions you experience whilst studying, it will not last long; remember that you will look back and wonder why you was stressing.

Tips for achieving a *:

  1. you must know what you want and really want it
  2. develop a good relationship with the library
  3. research
  4. speak to those already involved in the topic such as activists
  5. be enthusiastic and passionate about topic.

Gratitude-dance-small

 

Stay bliss and remember to beboldhideless

A x

Life · Uncategorized

Life is not cheap

Beauty can be defined as the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind.

To summarise, I define beauty as happiness. 

It is not a state or quality rather, it is moments that inspire and represent the attractiveness of our souls. It is the moments we feel free, happy, alive and proud.

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The standard of beauty in todays society is constantly evolving and changing. What is considered beautiful today, will change tomorrow.  The more stressed and frustrated we are about todays beauty standards, the likelihood it is to change tomorrow.

Hold up…… does that mean that I have to constantly work every day on different parts of my body to be considered beautiful? to fit into the standard of beauty? Yes, unfortunately thats what society wants. 

Many women in todays society are suffering from a negative body image, low confidence and lack of self-esteem. Our women are constantly being pushed and labelled to fit into todays standard of beauty; beauty which was different from yesterday, heading to the left and tomorrow, will deviate to the right.

Beauty has been distorted and is often misunderstood. It has become something we strive for rather than seeing it in our most happiest moments.

I can honestly say that the times I have felt happy and beautiful, was when I did not fit into the beauty standards; my face was not painted with makeup, my hair straight, I did not have the most money nor was I wearing the trendiest of clothes. I was the complete opposite- and this is the moment I felt beauty.

I felt beauty when I was at my most happiest moment; and this is because I was alive and did not consider or believe in society’s standard of beauty.

I have not always been aware of this….

During my teen years, I battled with my self-image and confidence. I was never slim nor was I a big girl; I was always in-between. Although some thought I was small. As I grew older, I became obssesed and paranoid about my weight, exercising almost every week. I was very focused on being skinny and having prominent bones- because society considered this as beauty.

2017-03-01-1488361501-9328970-EatingDisorderImage

It gradually started becoming a problem; I began restricting my intake and counting calories. I would aim to consume either one meal a day with one treat or, not eat in a day. Every time I went shopping, I would look at the calories religiously. I would not eat anything unless I knew how much calorie and fat content it contained.  As soon as it hit, 7pm, I would stop eating until the next morning.

ed

This went on for years; not knowing it was a problem, so I didn’t seek help or mention it to others. It somehow made me feel “beautiful” and in control, although deep down I was harming my body. It’s intriguing because you never see it as harming yourself. You consider it a way of fitting into society, societies beauty standard. Yet, it cost me my health. I was deficient in vitamins and was not healthy.

I realised that it had to end. This lifestyle was not healthy and was costing me my health. It was not beautiful. It was dangerous and inexcusable.

Women should not have to put their health on the line to be considered beautiful, why must I hide my beauty or, amend it to fit into society standards; standards which are constantly changing and a society which does not acknowledge you.

It’s not worth it. You are worth millions. You are a diamond. You are beautiful.

Note: Remember, if you are struggling with a similar issue, eating disorder, and are finding it hard to quit, then do seek help!! This is often an issue which can be difficult for a person to ackoelwegdi and work through alone either due to trauma or, bullying and may require assistance of a professional. Please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. You are beautiful and courageous for surviving. You know longer have to suffer alone, please do reach out. 

Stay strong and remember to beboldhideless. 

A x